Yn Brystolle ye plauce ys oerrun wyth Sea-Captaynes, & yt ys welle-knowne what exellaunt wryteres of plaies are these nautyckal types. So yt ffelle out that Jane the Phoole, Captayne Syr Water Ralegh, Captayne Syr John Hawkynnes, Captayne Lucy Cannon, Mastr Wm Shaxper and dyvers otheres set to composynge a masque calld "Much Ado About Muffynes." Yt ys a conceyt all about bakynge.
Here hyngeth the argument: The heroine, namd Hero yn ordere to confuse th'audyence, fyndeth her honour besmyrchd by Foccaccio, foul hench-manne to vile Don Scone, whereyn yt ys allegd someone else's bun ys yn her oven. And here she were, on ye verge of marryage to Bear-Claw-dio, who now shunneth her!
Yn the plaies begynnyng there are some conceyt betwene the wyttes Beignet and Be-A-Cruste (all yn the plaie are bakeres) have a merry war of words, and do love eche othere, thogh they spyte one anothere yn ye momente. So Be-a-Crust ys cousyn to Hero (who ys a Sandwyche, by ye waie), & wyshes Hero's honour aveng'd, & presseth Beignet to thys role.
Bear-Claw-dio thynketh Hero hath died of beyng dishonour'd, havynge found a sygne on her bakerie's door, sayinge, "Closed on Account of Hero Beynge Deade," whych art some myschief plannd by Fryer Pancake and Hero's fathere, Leo-Knead-Dough.
Beignet challengeth Bear-Claw-dio to a Duel, whereat muffynes are dystrybut'd to ye Groundlynges yn ye theatre, and alle presente may hurl ye muffynes at one anothere, willie-nillie, so that the ayre be thycke wyth muffynes!
All ys restor'd when Constable Dough-Berry & his Batch catch foul Foccacio & convyct hym and Don Scone of plottynge to ruin ye plaie for everie charact'r else, & then meanwhyle have Beignet & Be-A-Crust been deceyv'd ynto admyttynge theyr heartes' suits to one anothr; and everyone ys yn love, and then ensueth a bergamask daunce, whereynne all beare traies of dessertes, and all get theyr Juste Desertes, esp. Don Scone, who ys buttr'd & dunk'd yn hot Dutche chocolate, whych most bytter art.
Ralegh made up ye pryncypal argumente; Hawykynnes conceyv'd of Foccaccio & Don Scone; Shakkspurr wrote ye flowrie speches; & vysytors to Brystolle made up ye muffyne duel; & Capt. Lucy Cannon the reste fyll'd yn even todaie, by swyft myssyve delyvr'd by Towne Cryer.
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Certes, yt ys to be wish'd that We hadde wythe ovr owne eyen had chance to see svch merrie diuersion! Jayne, We shall yxpect yt presented sooner thayne nott.
~ ER (temp.)
G-d Save Yr Majestie! Ye tytle ys chaungd nowe to "Much A-Dough Aboute Muffynes," to bettr nforce ye theeme of bakerie. Yt are fulle of half-bakd punnes, but at yeaste yt ys fyllynge!
The Heavns rayne swete odours on Yr Grace. Beyng not at Yr Grace's syde I am destytute of purpose and thereffor plague ye Spanyshe courtyeres mayhappe oermuche wyth fflyngynge of nuttes at theyr heades & dyggynge trappes ffor them to ffalle ynto. I remayne Your Phoole, Jane
We doe fyndde that merely halff-baykynge the pvns doth leave themm fulle chewy, for the bettere mastycationne and enjoyment. Avndd of covrse, I leave to thee, Jayne, the convention of naymyng such masques as thou shalt present! Much A-Dough yt ys!
I do also approve the passtymes thou hast devys'd, so longe as I neednt at endde of such japes advyse my brother Spayne that hys daughter or her keeper or said keeper's querrelous daughters, nor hys embassie, nor any of hys other sundrie persons been brokken beyond repaire, nor fallen ynto such hole so as to tumble, head by heel, unto far Cathay. They mustt all stille be as usefulle and abell when thou art done as when thou didst beginne, though in cayse of the keeper's dotters, thys stipulashun meaneth but lyytle.
Untill we do agayne tarrie togethre ~
ER (fleetyngly)
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