Jane & Mastr Shaxpur to Cavorte at Alverno College

Come heare ye Milwaukee Chyldrenne's Choyer synge a programme call'd 'Shakespeare and Love' on Sundaie ye 28th Januarie at 3 o'clocke. Before ye shewe, Shaxpur & Jane wylle to run rampaunte throughe ye crowdes, & then shalle Jane attempte to sit quietlie durynge ye syngynge. Clyckest thou ye lynke above to learne more!

Citie of Phoole to receyve marke

Gode my husbaunde hath hymselfe reveal'd an artyste, and wyll to drawe a pycture by whyche alle shalle knowe I am Offycyalle Phoole of ye Citye. Ye ffyrste ffygure above ys ye seale of ye Citye where I am Phoole, and ye secounde ys my husbaunde's ydea ffor makynge a marke for me.

Alsoe are connyvynge myne other ffriends, ffor to hoste a ffeaste to rayse ye ffundes to sende me hence home to Albyonne ffor ye Festival of Fools at Muncaster yn Maie!

Mastr Shaxpur Maketh Me Falle Downe Laughynge

A shorte dyvertysemente, yn whyche I mentyonne my tynee dwarfe husbind, and my friendes and countrie-menne make me giddie.

Much Ado About Muffins

Yn Brystolle ye plauce ys oerrun wyth Sea-Captaynes, & yt ys welle-knowne what exellaunt wryteres of plaies are these nautyckal types. So yt ffelle out that Jane the Phoole, Captayne Syr Water Ralegh, Captayne Syr John Hawkynnes, Captayne Lucy Cannon, Mastr Wm Shaxper and dyvers otheres set to composynge a masque calld "Much Ado About Muffynes." Yt ys a conceyt all about bakynge.

Here hyngeth the argument: The heroine, namd Hero yn ordere to confuse th'audyence, fyndeth her honour besmyrchd by Foccaccio, foul hench-manne to vile Don Scone, whereyn yt ys allegd someone else's bun ys yn her oven. And here she were, on ye verge of marryage to Bear-Claw-dio, who now shunneth her!

Yn the plaies begynnyng there are some conceyt betwene the wyttes Beignet and Be-A-Cruste (all yn the plaie are bakeres) have a merry war of words, and do love eche othere, thogh they spyte one anothere yn ye momente. So Be-a-Crust ys cousyn to Hero (who ys a Sandwyche, by ye waie), & wyshes Hero's honour aveng'd, & presseth Beignet to thys role.

Bear-Claw-dio thynketh Hero hath died of beyng dishonour'd, havynge found a sygne on her bakerie's door, sayinge, "Closed on Account of Hero Beynge Deade," whych art some myschief plannd by Fryer Pancake and Hero's fathere, Leo-Knead-Dough.

Beignet challengeth Bear-Claw-dio to a Duel, whereat muffynes are dystrybut'd to ye Groundlynges yn ye theatre, and alle presente may hurl ye muffynes at one anothere, willie-nillie, so that the ayre be thycke wyth muffynes!

All ys restor'd when Constable Dough-Berry & his Batch catch foul Foccacio & convyct hym and Don Scone of plottynge to ruin ye plaie for everie charact'r else, & then meanwhyle have Beignet & Be-A-Crust been deceyv'd ynto admyttynge theyr heartes' suits to one anothr; and everyone ys yn love, and then ensueth a bergamask daunce, whereynne all beare traies of dessertes, and all get theyr Juste Desertes, esp. Don Scone, who ys buttr'd & dunk'd yn hot Dutche chocolate, whych most bytter art.

Ralegh made up ye pryncypal argumente; Hawykynnes conceyv'd of Foccaccio & Don Scone; Shakkspurr wrote ye flowrie speches; & vysytors to Brystolle made up ye muffyne duel; & Capt. Lucy Cannon the reste fyll'd yn even todaie, by swyft myssyve delyvr'd by Towne Cryer.

Dr Dee's Questyonne

Jane the Phoole walkd wythe ye Quene’s owne manne of physicke Doctr. Dee yn ye hearte of Brystolle, & they gambold & talkd of muche, but of lyttle substaunce.

Quoth Dr Dee, “Knowest, phoole, what hath four legges, ys grene and huge, & yf yt droppeth oute of a tree & landeth on thee, yt wyll kyll thee?”

Crieth Jane, “Why, yt ys a billiard tayble!”

And so they resolvd to ffynd Blaunche Parry & put ye questyonne to her as welle.

Ye Robbere's Dessertes

Yn Brystolle dydde Jane Phole ncountr ye playr Wm Shakspur of Barron Stranges patronadge.  Shakspur and Phoole bandyed on Jane’s newe plaie “Much Ado Aboute Muffynes,” whereat they both grewe hungered and betook themselfes to ye bakerie yn Hyghe Strete.

“Dydst thou heare, Master Shake-Speare,” quoth she, “of ye robbere who plund’r’d ye bakerie shelfs?”

“Nay, gode Jane, I had not hearde,” saith Shaxpeer.  “Wherefor wast done?”

“Ye robbere thoghte ye brownies were ryche!” quippt Jane, whereuppon Shaxper bank’d a welle-aim’d biskitt offe her pate, and theye felle aboute laughynge.

Ye Catechysme on Menne Havynge Neyther Armes Nor Legges

Yt felle oute that Jane hir Fole sat to borde wythe Sr Frauncys Drayke, Sr John Hawkynnes & Sr Water Ralegh, and cast ffor them divers ryddles about menne wythe no armes nor no legges neyther, as ffolloweth:

"What dost thou call a ffellowe wythe no armes and no legges on ye beache?" "Sandy."
"Yn ye ocean?" "Bob."
"Yn ye sea, pulld at greate spede behynde ye galleon Dreadnought yn fulle sayle?" "Skip."
"Yn ye poste-boxe, and thou hatest hymme?" "Bill."

And so they carowsd, callynge out ye names; yn a bushe he ys Russell; in a boke, Mark; yn a dytche, Phil ("And soone, G-d wyllynge!" crieth Sr Frauncys, meanynge Kg Phillip ye foul Spanysh monarche); yn a ponde, turnynge yn a cyrcle slowlie, Eddy; & so forthe, untylle Hawkynnes, tiring of Jane's tedyousnesse, dydde barke a heel of bread off her pate, & out they broughte strayghte ye dyce & cardes, and ynsteade dydde trayde golde sovrgns. untylle daie-breake.

From goode cousyn RJ, an exellente drawinge